Category Archives: Blog

Steps you can take To Never Be Let Down Again

If you ever have that feeling like you don’t matter… there’s a way to change that.

When you have the experience that your needs don’t matter.

When you ask the question… does anyone see me?

Do I matter?

Or perhaps you’ve given and given, and you’re wondering:

Where’s mine?

There’s only one thing you’ve got to do.

What’s that? It’s simple… but not easy.

It’s time to put yourself first.

Now, look. That doesn’t mean being selfish.

And I’m not talking about only focusing on yourself.

But, there needs to be more energy, more life force in your cup. You cannot quench your thirst from an empty cup.

The wise thing to do is to take control and responsibility for getting your needs met.

If you aren’t getting your needs met right now, it’s time to stop blaming others for that.

It’s time to slow down and to ask yourself what you need.

What are your needs? What do you need, exactly?

Maybe it’s something as simple as a hug.

Or perhaps it’s quality time. Or maybe you need support in this new life that is forming in front of your eyes.

Perhaps you need some quality alone time to be with your thoughts.

Maybe all you need is to know that they will be there when you call for them.

You need to know that they got your back.

Whatever it is… whatever you need….

The first step is to make sure that you know what it is.

The second step is to give it to yourself, first.

Then, you’ve got to figure out how to communicate your needs to others in a way that is clear and specific.

If you don’t know what you need, then neither will anyone else.

If you don’t know what you need, then it will be impossible for someone else to give it to you… no matter how much they Love you.

So, if you’re feeling invisible or like you don’t matter…

Take your power back and get to know yourself.

What do you need? How can you give it to yourself? How can you take others off the hook for meeting your needs first? How can you set those people up in your life to give you what you need, too?

Most of the time, not getting your needs meet comes from a lack of understanding of what your needs are, how to identify them… and then how to give them to yourself – and then ask for them from others.

What if the people in your life weren’t bad.

Or what if they weren’t meeting your needs simply because they had no idea what they were?

And what would that say about how you’ve taught them to interact with you?

If you want your needs to be met, know thyself.

If you want to feel seen, see yourself.

If you want to matter, then matter to yourself.

From that place, share with others what you need.

Be kind to them. Be patient. Let them off the hook. Let yourself off the hook.

And, start building a life where you can fill your own cup.

Then, nothing can stop you.

And you won’t be let down ever again.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

Never Hate Mondays Again

Reality check moment.

Are you heading to a job today that you hate?

Are you stuck in a business that is draining you?

Are you looking forward to the week, or are you already counting down to the weekend?

This morning, I jumped out of bed and started my typical morning routine:

1. Vitamins and Omegas.

2. Modified Bulletproof Coffee Hot Chocolate

3. AM Cardio for an hour and three liters of water.

4. Meditation

5. Writing this post.

And, after I’m done with this, I’ll head to the gym for my morning weights.

I love Mondays.

Why?

Because I am pumped for the week.

A whole week to make my mark, to serve our clients, to create, to earn and to spend with those that I love (most notably, of course, the Love of my life Jenna).

This is a stark contrast to how it used to be.

I used to dread Mondays.

When I was in a soul-sucking job, at rock bottom of addiction or couch surfing – Mondays terrified me.

Another week of… missing out.

Not knowing the right steps to take.

Not knowing what business to start.

Having no clue what my purpose is.

If you’re in a place right now where you’re feeling this Monday contraction about your job or your career – there is help.

As your coach, it’s my duty to hold you to a higher standard and also share with you all the tools I know that can help you get ahead.

That’s why I share quotes, affirmations, blogs, videos and daily coaching emails to encourage and inspire you to bring your purpose tp life each and every day.

Today I want to talk to you about one of the most powerful tools I used to turn Mondays into my favorite day of the week.

It’s probably not what you think.

The best way to turn Monday into your favorite day is to love what you do.

To serve others. To make a real impact. To be in the flow of a Power Greater than you.

And, I love fast change.

Who wants to wait another life time or two to get about the business of living your purpose? Making your mark? Living in abundance?

So, this tool is also something that can bring about rapid change.

Like, fast…

What is this tool?

It’s called IMMERSION.

You’ve got to get out of your comfort zone.

You’ve got to make a radical decision to change it up.

Even if you’ve tried before and it didn’t work.

Even if you think that it’s too late.

Even if you aren’t sure where to start.

Even if you think it’s impossible.

You’ve got to get out of your normal routine.

To see a broader perspective.

IMMERSION has been one of the most powerful tools I’ve used to break free from the trap of a soul-sucking job.

* It’s a time to be distraction free…

* To be focused on the outcome you want to produce…

* To be surrounded by people who lift you up.

* To get expert mentorship to assist you to go further, faster.

* It’s almost impossible to change in a vacuum all by yourself in the same routine that you;ve had forever.

Everyone has help.

IMMERSION with a mentor can change things up fast.

So, decide today that you are going to create an IMMERSION experience ASAP.

PRO TIP: there is no perfect time to do this. It will always be “inconvenient”…

But, it will only be an inconvenience to the life you don’t want to live anymore.

Break free from your habits. Find perspective. Get help. Find support.

Choose IMMERSION.

You don’t have to hate Monday’s.

Let’s turn Monday into your favorite day of the week.

 

 

Cut off all digital distraction. Find perspective.

The solution, the life, the abundance that you’re looking for is available right now… all it takes is a change in perspective to find it.

Let’s make Monday the new Saturday.

Make it a great week and may this be the last Monday where you wake up and wish it were the weekend.

No matter what’s happened in the past, all it takes is a change in perspective for your life to change.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

What To Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

The feeling of “not being enough” can stop us dead in our tracks.

Maybe you’re thinking:

Who am I to start this business?

Can I really be a good parent?

Do I really deserve to get paid abundantly?

Am I special enough to have a unique purpose?

Who am I to be great?

These questions do not produce quality answers.

When you are tapped into your confidence, when you know with certainty that you can and will thrive in your life’s unique purpose… when you believe in your heart of hearts that the life you desire IS possible…

That’s when you are unstoppable.

But, the problem is clear. Not feeling enough is a hard feeling to overcome, especially if you’ve been stuck in feeling that way for a while.

And – you can break free from this feeling.

But, it’s not how you might think.

You see… in order to dissolve the feeling of “not enough” the first thing we must do is…

Admit that we are not enough.

Now – wait for a moment and let me explain.

That might sound like bad advice and perhaps not what you thought I would say.

But, hear me out.

I want you to think of yourself as a raindrop.

And, you dream of being a massive wave.

A raindrop, all by itself… can’t be a massive wave.

But, when it connects to a Power Greater than itself, the Ocean, it can fulfill it’s dream of being a wave.

You are the same.

By yourself, disconnected from a Power Greater than you, in isolation – you are not enough.

But, you can choose, in every moment, to surrender and connect to a Power Greater than you.

Be it a Higher Power or Higher Calling or Higher Purpose… when you connect to a Power Greater than you, you align yourself with a larger energy.

When you join that larger energy, you are more than enough.

So, when you’re feeling “not enough” – from this moment forward, choose to see that as an opportunity to connect back to a Power Greater than you.

And, you’ll see… that the “not enough” feeling will dissipate.

With God, all things are possible.

With Purpose, all things are possible.

With Love, all things are possible.

Tap into that Greater Power, today.

When you do, you’ll feel more than enough.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

How I Overcame My Toughest Cravings (and you can, too)

Want to know why you haven’t quite been able to reach that goal?

You might want to lose weight.

Or have better family relationships.

Or leave a toxic relationship.

Or find your Soulmate.

Or have more abundance in your life.

Many times, the goals we set can feel so far away that we falsely believe that they are impossible to achieve.

But, that’s not the case.

If you can imagine it, you can create it.

So, it’s not a matter of imagination that stops you.

Then, what does stop you?

In his groundbreaking book “The Power of Habit,” Charles Duhigg explains that there are three parts of any habit…

They are:

1. Cue

2. Action

3. Reward

About two years ago, I had a massive habit change with my health.

I was diagnosed with prediabetes. I looked at my habit loops around food, and I knew they had to change.

Why?

Because they weren’t working any more.

My old habit was:

1. Cue: get cravings around 6/7pm, see food I want, or crave food I can order.

2. Action: Order or eat the food and imagine that it had no bearing on my health.

3. Reward: temporarily satisfy my craving.

But, this head-in-the-sand approach to food wasn’t working.

My body was sending me signals. I had to change.

I had to up my standards and go for a different reward.

So, I needed to change the “reward” of satisfying a craving to living in a healthy body without prediabetes.

I changed the reward and thought that that was all I had to do. But, I also had to change my action (step 2).

You see, I didn’t want to pretend I didn’t have cravings.

But, I did set out to satisfy my cravings in a different way.

Instead of eating during the witching hour, I would get a massage, go for a walk, connect with people I love, do a Kundalini Yoga class. I would still satisfy the craving, but in a way that didn’t involve eating bad food late at night.

Now, this is still a work in progress for me, but this one shift has changed my life.

The take away is this…

If you up the level of expectation you have of yourself… meaning that you want a better reward in your life… you MUST change your behavior, you MUST that new, imperfect and courageous action.

This is what Einstein meant when he said that you couldn’t solve a problem on the same level of thinking that created it.

You also can’t get a better reward if you are taking the same action.

TAKE ACTION & MAKE IT REAL:

Look at one habit that you want to change… and keep a journal for seven says.

Write down the following questions from The Power of Habit when you have a craving come up that you want to overcome:

1. Where are you?

2. What time is it?

3. What’s your emotional state?

4. Who else is around?

5. What action preceded the urge?

After one week, you will see the deeper root of this craving.

Maybe your environment needs to change.

Maybe it’s a time of day.

Maybe it’s an emotional craving.

Maybe someone in your life is the trigger, or maybe it’s something else that causes it.

See the common patterns in the answers to these questions and then start getting ahead of the craving.

If you know that at 7 pm each night you crave watching Netflix or having a bottle of wine and that’s holding you back – set yourself to meet your emotional needs in a different way.

It’s far better to work with your cravings than to deny them.

Not accepting your cravings and what they need is one major reason why you aren’t getting that goal just yet.

Become aware of your cravings and turn unhealthy habits into healthy ones.

Comment on this post and let me know what you found out about yourself.

You are power. Keep it up!

Don’t delay… you only live once (YOLO)… make the most of today!

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

About Addiction

I opened my email this morning to read the daily questions I get from my Tribe (ahem, YOU).

This morning, there were two back-to-back emails asking about how to quit an addiction.

One was smoking. The other was drinking.

I’ve had my own battle with addiction: cocaine, sugar, codependency, etc. Addiction almost killed me.

There are so many things you and I could be addicted to, like: Distraction, sex, drugs, alcohol, shopping, social media, drama, technology, etc., etc., etc. The list goes on and on.

The question becomes…. how in the WORLD do you, and I break an addiction?

First, we must define addiction.

Perhaps the best definition I know is from my friend Tommy Rosen, who writes:

“I define addiction as any behavior, substance-related or not, that is socially creating and temporarily pleasurable but has long-term negative consequences and the inability to give it up. So basically it’s pleasure-creating negative consequences and loss of control. That’s what an addiction is.”

So, addiction is a short-term payoff that produces a long-term net negative.

Through that lens, we can see that our definition of addiction was widened.

So, through that lens..

What do you see in your own life? What are you addicted to?

One of the best ways to stop addiction is first to admit that you have an addiction.

If you are in denial, then you can’t change anything.

If you can admit that there is in fact something or someone that you are addicted to, then we can work to make it better.

So, how do you “cure” an addiction?

Well, I won’t go so far as to say that it can be 1000% cured, but we can help you achieve full recovery.

Here’s how:

1. Admit It

You have to admit that you have an addiction first and foremost. Once you admit it, things start to move.

2. Be Willing To Change

You don’t have to actually change just yet, but simply the willingness to try is what counts. Great things are possible for those who are willing.

3. Find Support From A Sober Mentor and Soul Tribe

You see, many times healthy habits aren’t “taught” they are “caught.” Just hanging around with sober people has a positive effect because they are demonstrating for you what success looks like.

4. Find A Healthier Substitute For Your Addictive Cravings

I’ve found it best to work with cravings than against them. Yesterday I wrote about how to change your habits around to satisfy your addictive craving in a healthier way. For me, Friday and Saturday night’s are the hardest nights of the week for my sugar cravings. So I get out in front of them and book a massage, a yoga class or go to an Escape Room. The other activity helps to soothe the craving instead of just white knuckling it at home trying to resist the craving without helping it get soothed.

5. Take A Holistic Approach To Your Heath

Addiction is not just about the substance or object of your addiction. There’s a lot more to it.

Addiction impacts the brain.

Addiction impacts the gut.

Addiction impacts your nervous system.

Addiction impacts your mindset and psychology.

Addiction impacts your personal relationships.

Addiction impacts the environment that you’re in.

Addiction impacts your hormones.

Addiction impacts your Spirit.

Addiction is covering up unhealed trauma from your past.

So, when getting clean – you must address these issue, here’s how:

– Make sure you get your brain healthy. The Amen Clinics is the best brain health center in the world, get there.

– Make sure you have a healthy gut. Go see a functional medicine doctor, do a microbiome test. Work with the doctor to make your gut better.

– Make sure you have a healthy nervous system. Exercise is key. Kundalini Yoga is massive. Daily movement.

– Make sure you have a good mindset. Get into therapy or hire a life coach. Fill your mind with inspirational material. Get your mind right. Find a sponsor and hang out. Go to 40 meetings in 40 days.

– Make sure you have good relationships. You must separate from people who enable your addiction. Hang with sober folks. Hang with positive people. Also, make amends to your friends and family.

– Make sure you are in a clean environment, a sober environment. Don’t have anything in your home that triggers you.

–Make sure that you have a Soul Tribe. Get positive people around you, ASAP.

– Make sure you have balanced hormones. Your functional medicine doctor can help. Also, your diet has a MASSIVE influence on your hormones. Find a nutritionist who can help you figure out the right foods for you; your functional doctor will know one for sure.

– Make sure to get your Spirit right. This means to connect to a Power Greater than you. And it also means help others. Addiction makes us focus on ourselves, being of service to others can help us stay sober. When we make a positive impact on others, we feel better.

– Make sure you are aware that addiction is covering up past trauma. Get trauma support from a life coach, therapist or someone who specializes in healing trauma. This also means be kind to those wounded parts of you. We all have ’em.

Addiction is a killer. It’s complicated. It takes time. Be patient with yourself and the process.

I wish I had had the information I just shared with you when I was first getting sober; it would have saved me years of time.

You don’t need to have a perfect plan. You just need to get started.

And, the most powerful quality that can help you get and stay sober and thrive in your life is the power of being willing to change.

If you are willing, God can work miracles in your life.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

The Art of focusing on what you want

Do you ever wonder how successful people seem to be able to attract what they want?

Are you confused about why what you want hasn’t manifested?

The simple truth is this: People who attract what they want are not pushing what they want away.

Let me explain.

People who are attracting what they want in their life don’t have some magical power that you don’t have.

They just have different habits and behaviors. They have mentorship.

When you are primarily focused on what you don’t have, then what you don’t have will keep showing up.

What does focusing on what you don’t want look like?

It looks like chronically blaming others, your environment and outside forces for why you don’t have what you want.

It looks like believing that your potential is limited to what’s in your bank account.

It looks like believing that you are limited by your current circumstances.

It also looks like denying your emotions. Ironically, when you focus on what you don’t want, when you deny your emotions… when you re-affirm that you are limited by your current bank account or circumstances, you reinforce the very conditions you wish to get rid of.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be aware of your current limitations in resources.

We must see things as they are. But, we cannot make this worse than they are.

And, once you become aware of a limitation, your aim must be to focus on the solution to that limitation.

Think of it as arguing with a dark room.

No amount of blame, argument or complaining will have any effect.

But, when you turn on the light, the darkness fades.

In this case, the “light” that I’m talking about is how you focus your attention.

Are you primarily focused on the problem or the solution?

Most people have a Ph.D. in their problems and a kindergarten education in solutions.

And, most people don’t even know what they really want.

There is no clear OUTCOME that they are going for.

So, if you don’t know what you want, the Universe can’t bring it to you.

And, you won’t know what Courageous Imperfect Action to take because you will lack the clarity of your next step.

If you don’t know where you are going – then no matter where you arrive, it’ll be your doing.

So, the fix is this.

Get clear on your OUTCOME.

Go beyond the fear and don’t tell yourself that you “don’t know” what you want.

Guess. Try. Attempt. Make it up.

Focus on an OUTCOME that feels within reach, but is also a stretch.

Know this – your OUTCOME is not the same as your next action step.

So, once you have your OUTCOME, break it down into all the baby steps it will take to get there.

Example: My outcome is to lose 25 more pounds.

My baby steps:

1. Wake up at 5 am or earlier Monday – Friday.

2. Do not eat 4 hours before bed. (Make sure there are reminders in my calendar.)

3. Do not eat starchy carbs after 2 pm.

4. Do at least one hour of steady state cardio a day.

5. Train with weights five days a week in the gym.

6. Schedule my training and cardio.

7. Make sure that my home is rid of all contraband food items.

8. Get 7-8 hours of sleep a night.

9. Drink 1/2 an oz of water per day per pound of body weight.

10. Reduce stress through Kundalini Yoga and meditation daily.

11. Maintain compliance with my food plan and supplement routine.

You see, “losing 25 more pounds” is a specific outcome, but that outcome in and of itself does not have any clear action steps.

Now, I’ve been researching weight loss for the last two years, so I know the exact steps to take. I have found mentors.

If you are clear on your outcome but don’t know what steps to take, then it’s vital that you find a mentor – someone who has walked the path before you.

Someone who can shorten your learning curve.

Someone who can give you feedback.

Someone who can encourage you.

Someone who can introduce you to a Soul Tribe of people who can support you and lift you up.

When I lost 55 pounds in 5 weeks, I wasn’t focused on staying fat.

I wasn’t talking about all the things I had tried that didn’t work.

I was focused on the outcome (lose 55 pounds) and the daily habits associated with that outcome.

I didn’t do it alone.

I had a mentor.

You see, you have the power to create any reality that you focus on.

The only difference between people who attract what they want and those that do not is simply:

1. Clarity of outcome.

2. Break down your outcome into small action steps and focus on taking these steps.

3. The support of a mentor to teach you short cuts and hold you accountable to your own goals.

When you live your life this way, you are not resisting what you want.

You are actively creating what you do want.

We do not live in a world of lack.

One person’s gain is not your loss. It’s not too late. Last time wasn’t your only chance.

You live in infinite abundance, and the only thing that prevents you from experiencing that abundance is your focus, your habits and your clarity of a specific outcome.

TAKE ACTION AND MAKE IT REAL

1. What is the clear and exact outcome you are going for? (If you find yourself automatically saying “I don’t know” then just make it up out of thin air. The truth is you DO know. It’s just scary to admit it).

2. What are the small baby steps it will take to get there?

3. Who is the mentor that will support you in your growth?

All you’ve got to do is get clear, break it down into small steps and find mentorship.

PRO TIP: the more fear you feel, the better. Fear is a sign that you are on track to manifest your goals.

Your next steps:

A. Complete the exercise above.

B. Take one small baby step today.

C. Decide who your mentor will be and commit to working with them.

No more messing around and playing small.

It’s time to get clear and bring your goals to life.

Starting right… now.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

The Gift In Your Jealousy

It happens, you get jealous.

If you don’t dig any deeper, jealousy can prevent you from moving forward, from growing and from stepping into your life’s purpose.

But, if you dig a little deeper, you will see that there is a hidden gift in feeling jealous or envious.

This gift will help you discover what makes you unique; it will help you have more harmonious relationships, and it can help you end the stress of comparison and jealousy.

What is this gift?

It’s simple, actually.

If there is someone that you’re jealous of… they are simply reflecting back to you your own unexpressed potential.

Meaning… they have something or are being a certain way that you wish that you could.

The good news is this…

The part of you that is jealous of the other person knows that you, too, have that same potential or quality.

So, the wise thing to do with your jealousy is to follow it.

To accept it. To love it.

When you accept that you’re feeling jealous and about what… then you can begin the process of restoring your sanity and ending the jealousy.

How?

By taking steps to embody the thing in the other person that you’re jealous of.

Jealous of their business? Step into yours.

Jealous of their romantic life? Step into yours.

Jealous of how much money they have? Step into yours.

Jealous of how kind or spiritual they are? Step into yours.

There is a really powerful benefit of jealousy… it shows you, by contrast, your own unlived potential.

And, this is a gift.

Because now you know where to go and what to do.

You know what to focus on.

Embodying the traits that you see in them.

So, the wise person does not talk negatively about those they are jealous of.

No.

They turn them into their mentors. They learn from them.

Because, whatever it is that they have that you want… the process, the recipe of how to get it or become it exists.

And this person knows the recipe.

Better to learn the recipe as well.

Better to become that which you truly desire.

The easy path is to talk negative, to be negative and to feel less about yourself.

But, you feeling less about yourself doesn’t serve any long term positive purpose other than to teach you by contrast.

Today, if there is any jealousy in you, let’s start the process of freeing you from this jealousy.

TAKE ACTION AND MAKE IT REAL

Step 1 – Admit who or what you’re jealous of.

Step 2 – What exactly about this person or situation are you jealous of? Money? Success? Love? Beauty?

Step 3 – Send a positive prayer for this person’s success. When you wish others well, you create your own wellness.

Step 4 – Turn this person into your mentor. Learn from them. Ask them questions. Find out who their mentors are. Find out their core beliefs about life. Learn what daily actions they take. Do your research.

Step 5 – Learn from them. Their mentors. Take the same daily steps. Create the same beliefs in yourself.

Step 6 – Express yourself in your own way. Don’t be a copycat, instead use this knowledge to express yourself in your own unique way.

Step 7 – Keep sending those you are jealous of a silent prayer of gratitude each day.

These above steps can be hard, confusing or scary to take.

But it will be worth it.

Wish those that you are jealous of well. Send them thoughts of success.

And, then get to work on yourself.

Jealousy is a call to become more.

And, be grateful that someone else has ignited this energy in you.

They are not better than you. They’ve just got more practice.

Your job…. get practicing.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

How To Heal From Abuse

Today’s post is pretty deep.

And it may require an open mind. It may trigger you.

My ask is to keep an open mind and to stay curious. And if you find yourself getting triggered, decide to be curious about why you are feeling that way.

Today could be a day of big healing.

The topic today is…

Abuse.

The sad truth is that it happens. A lot more than I ever thought.

There are all kinds of abuse. Physical. Sexual. Emotional. Spiritual. Financial.

One of the greatest shocks of my career came when I was first getting started.

I had no idea how many women had experienced abuse.

Yes, men experience abuse, too. However, my clients are 99% women, so I am exposed to more stories of women being abused than I am men.

So, this message will focus on abuse directed towards women, but it in no way negates abuse towards men.

The first time a client told me about the abuse that they had been through, I froze.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have abuse in my childhood.

But, I asked questions. And took this courageous woman through a few of the intervention processes that I had used with other clients to move through emotionally tough situations.

I was 100% transparent with her that I didn’t have any experience working with abuse and she gave me her permission to keep going.

Something amazing happened, within six months she reported back that not only had the effects of the past abuse lessened, but she had forgiven the person that hurt her, she was quitting her job and moving to California to start the career of her dreams.

She realized that because she had been through such a hard thing and gotten through it, that she could help other women do the same thing.

She realized that healing, forgiving and moving past the abuse didn’t justify what happened to her, but it did change how she related to the past. And, because she relates to the past in a new way, she was free from the abuse.

She then followed through, moved to California and to this day works to inspire others (mostly women) to work through abuse and embrace self-love.

At the end of our time together, she told me she was grateful for what happened to her.

This, I could not imagine.

How could someone be grateful for such a painful thing?

Her answer will stay with me forever… She said that what had happened to her was a part of making her who she is today.

And who she is today is someone who can help and serve others to heal.

She said that helping others is a big part of her purpose, and she was unsure if she would have ever gotten to the place of being of service if she hadn’t gone through what she went through.

To me, this is nothing short of a miracle.

I cried on the phone with her as we both recognized what a powerful, healing moment this was….. not only for her but for everyone that she would come into contact with from that moment forward.

That was almost a decade ago, and since then I have worked with thousands of women who have suffered through abuse, and I have learned some lessons from the trenches.

Today, I want to share them with you in hopes that I can help you break free of any past abuse and perhaps help someone you know to break free, too.

Top 10 Lessons I’ve Learned Helping People Heal From Abuse:

1. It’s important to have a mentor to work with you, so that you can illuminate blind spots and help keep you on track.

2. Before you can heal the past, you must feel the past. With the help of a mentor, getting in touch with the scary feelings from the past and bearing witness to them is powerful. You begin to realize that this feeling will not kill you, in fact, when you feel them, accept them and give them a voice, you begin the healing process.

3. It’s counterproductive in the beginning of the healing process to tell someone who has been through trauma to “get over it” or to “see it differently, ” or that fear is “false evidence appearing real.” The wound must first be witnessed as it is. In the raw.

4. When you’ve been through abuse, it’s important to see what happened to you with new eyes. When you look back on painful memories, you will see that you didn’t remember the full truth of what happened. Because most abuse occurs in our formative years, it’s easy to look at the person who hurt us as a big, powerful, scary monster. But, when you look back and see what was really going on, you’ll see that underneath all the anger, the rage, the pain and the scary exterior of the person or people that hurt you…. is a scared child (in perhaps an adult body), who is acting out their own pain on you. You begin to see them, not as a monster, but as a wounded child who didn’t heal.

5. When you see the woundedness of the person who hurt you, you can have the first signs of empathy. This does NOT mean that what they did is okay, nor does it justify what happened. Nor, does this mean that you will allow behavior like this to continue. However, you do put yourself into contact with their pain. And, you will see that you had nothing to do with their pain. You were at the whim of their pain. You may have formed your belief about the world because of what they did to you, but you now see that it’s not about you. You realize that hurt people, hurt people. You start to see that trauma and abuse are almost generational and are in some ways… passed down or inherited. When you see this, you will realize that the person who hurt you is living inside their own self-made prison, hell, and purgatory.

6. Upon being open to seeing the pain that the person was in who hurt you, you can begin the forgiveness process. You see that they are unconscious. They didn’t know better. They did they best they could. Even though it wasn’t good enough to not cause you pain, you start to see what used to look like a big, bad, powerful being transform into a scared, weak and traumatized person who is acting out in unconscious and hurtful ways. This is their karma, not yours.

7. You become willing to forgive. This is a big moment for abuse survivors. There can be a big resistance to forgiveness. Why? Because there is a commonly held misconception that somehow forgiveness makes right what happened to you. It sort of justify’s the abuse and the idea that forgiveness is the same thing as say that what happened was okay. That is not the case. Forgiveness does not make what happened okay. It does not dismiss the gravity of what happened. However, forgiveness is how you get free. Forgiveness is the best revenge because when you forgive the person who hurt you, and you forgive yourself for staying hurt, you start to take your power back. And that feels good.

8. After you become willing to forgive, you have a massive AHA moment. Which is this… You realize the cost of not forgiving. One of the biggest moments of awakening for abuse victims is to see that if they do not forgive, if they do not get on with their life, if they keep playing small and blaming the past for their current circumstances, then they are now allowing the person who abused them to still win. I worked with a client recently on this topic. She had been through significant abuse as a child. When she realized that not living her life to the fullest, not really going for it… meant that the people who hurt her were still winning, this was a moment of liberation.

9. When you realize that the best revenge is success, you get busy living your purpose. It’s reasonable to understand that when an abuse has been suffered, the first reaction is to shut down and learn how to play it safe. However, you were not born to play it safe. You have an Infinite Soul that was forged from a Creator that Loves you and gave you a unique and specific purpose. Not living that purpose means that the abuser(s) are still winning. It’s natural to think at first that playing a bigger game, forgiving and living your purpose will, on some level, re-trigger the past abuse. But, that is not so. The worst is behind you. The best healing, the best revenge, the best way to take your power back is to live your purpose and serve others along the way.

10. Finally, you realize that there is a gift in your pain. There are so many people in the world who will not read these words. They don’t have the tools, or the resilience or the privilege or the Grace that you have been given to heal. When you realize that the abuse you’ve gone through has given you a specific form of empathy for others who have gone through similar abuse, you can bring meaning to what happened to you. When you can dedicate your life to being of service to others who went through similar abuse, you can find gratitude for what happened to you. Why? Because, for whatever reason, what you’ve been through has prompted you to arrive at a place of helping others who don’t have the tools and the perspective that you have. This is where you take you power back 100% from the past and never look back.

Look – healing from abuse is not easy. The body always remembers.

It’s an emotional and scary process. It’s not easy. It takes time. And courage.

There are an unlimited number of reasons we can find to blame others for what they did to us.

But, that blame does not heal you. Blame makes you weak. Keeps you stuck.

Resentment and blame are thinking that you are giving someone else a dose of poison, but in the end, you will realize that it is you who has been living in resentment and blame.

There is more to this life for you than a life of resentment and blame.

A common question I am asked is, “Mastin, aren’t some things unforgivable?”

The answer is… no.

Everything can be forgiven. Just not forgotten.

Forgiveness does not make your “enemy” right. It does not “justify” the abuse.

It does not lessen the significance of what happened to you.

Forgiveness helps you to heal.

And when you heal yourself, you can help others.

When you heal yourself, you stop yourself from reliving the nightmare of abuse every day.

This leaves me with the final questions I get asked,

“Mastin… why did this happen to me? What this abuse a part of God’s plan in my life? Why would a loving God allow this to happen?”

And, this is a question that I do not have a 100% answer for.

I cannot know the mind of God.

Nor, can I speak on behalf of God’s will for you, me and all of us.

However, I can offer you a suggestion about how to answer this question.

After working with thousands of women who have suffered through abuse, I do have an educated guess.

Consider that you decided to be born into this life to bring Light, to bring healing, to help stop the cycle of abuse and violence on this planet.

Consider that the fastest way for you to make this impact is to have a first-hand experience of the pain you were born to heal.

Consider that the pain you went through could be viewed as a very intense form of learning at an experiential level.

Consider that your experience is what gives you the passion, the drive and the empathy to help others who couldn’t be as strong as you are.

Consider that when you speak of your experience and the pain, you’ve overcome, that your testimony is healing to those who are too scared to express their shame.

Consider that your resilience and your truth… the demonstration of your example of healing can give hope to those who don’t know how to wake up from the trance of their past trauma.

Is it God’s will that you were abused?

I have no idea.

I can’t answer that question.

But, the question I can help you answer is this…

“What am I going to do about it now?”

And, at this moment, you can choose liberation, freedom, and healing.

You can choose to see the hurt of the person who abused you and to become willing to forgive them.

To become willing to take your power back and cut the chords from your past.

You can become willing to serve others who have been through this and help them.

You can become willing to see this all through a different lens.

Your pain is not what makes you special.

Your trauma is not what makes you significant.

What makes you significant, what makes you special… is what you choose to do with it.

We cannot change the past. We cannot minimize what happened.

We cannot justify this behavior.

But, what we can do is this…

We can change how you relate to the past.

The past, after all, is that… the past.

It’s a ghost. It’s not real. The past does not exist.

So, no matter what you’ve been through in the past, when you forgive, when you heal and when you serve others…

You change how you relate to the past.

And when you change that, your future is unlimited.

And, with an unlimited future, you no longer allow the people who hurt you to have dominion over your life, your choices and fulfilling your purpose.

Was what happened God’s will in your life?

I don’t know…. and the truth is… the answer to that question is unknowable (at least for right now).

And, in search for that answer, we lose focus on a far more powerful question…

What are you going to do about it now?

There is hope. There is a way out. Healing is possible.

TOOLS: EMDR, Kundalini Yoga, the Claim Your Power course, our Enter the Heart retreat, tapping and trauma therapy are great resources to seek out.

Just be willing to take the first step today.

Know that today… you a blessed.

And from this moment forward, you are free.

Please know that who you are… as you are… right now – is enough.

And in this moment, you are deeply loved.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

What are you waiting for? You can be of service to others now.

Big topic today.

(And a few cuss words, so be warned…)

I woke up this morning to an email from Tonya W. who said:

“I’ve been following you for a while now, and your messages & content have always been super real & resonated with me on a deep level. But the thought of actually emailing you never crossed my mind.

I suppose I have an inferiority issue (he’s so busy & well-known he’ll never reply), but I decided to say fuck it today.

The last 3 emails in a row from you have literally been exactly what I’ve been dealing with.

My deadly 3:

1) Opioid addiction

2) Abuse

3) Comparison & not good enough.

I just decided to surrender & take the synchronicity & run with it!”

Tonya goes on to ask a really powerful question:

“Is it possible to help others while YOU, yourself are still healing? I’d love to coach. Help others with addiction & empowerment. I’ve had coaches, but it was difficult when none could ‘relate’ or sometimes even empathize with what I’ve been through. I guess really; I’d just love to hear your thoughts. I really value your opinion!”

So, first things first, Tonya… this is really me… I really read your email, and this is NOT an April Fool’s joke.

This email is for you.

I should also share that Tonya mentioned she is clean and sober and out of a toxic relationship now for five years.

And second – congrats! Sobriety is the #1 most important thing.

Keep working your program and keep doing all the things that got you here, still one day at a time.

I’m so happy you’re sober Tonya.

And, let’s dive into your question.

What I love about this question is that it is full of integrity.

The idea that I must be healed before I heal others is true.

However, we must define “healed.”

My hunch is that what you meant was…

“Must I be FULLY healed before I can help others…? Is there a perfect amount of healing where I will be “enough” to actually coach?”

The answer is… no.

I would suggest banning the thoughts of “fully,” “totally” and “completely” from your mind.

This thinking seems like it’s a high standard, but it’s actually perfectionism in disguise.

I think it’s a very righteous thing that you want to do a great job for your future clients and make sure that you do right by them.

However, the arrival point you are asking about does not exist.

When you are one day sober, you have one day more than the addict who is still suffering. Part of the 12 Step Program is to help others and be of service.

And, I would much rather you extend a helping hand to someone who needs it, who isn’t sober yet, but needs that hope, than to wait.

You see, as you make progress, think of yourself on a continuum. The people “ahead” of you are your mentors, and the people “behind” you are your clients.

What I mean is this…

You always have a chance to serve.

There is always an opportunity to help others.

Don’t wait until you feel “enough” because we never quite get there.

In fact, when you serve others, that is how you expedite your own healing.

One of the most amazing things about doing what I do is that I get to learn from my clients, I get to grow.

When you step into serving others in the way that you are asking about… your work, your business is also your therapy.

I think it’s amazing that you’ve sought out mentors Tonya.

No one does it alone.

When you mentioned that you didn’t feel like you could relate to certain coaches, that’s okay.

There are plenty of teachers and plenty of clients.

There is more than enough to go around.

You are getting clearer and clearer on the values you have as a client, and this is helping you get clear on the values you will have as a coach.

The trauma that you’ve been through is a big deal.

And, what’s an even bigger deal and super powerful is that you are choosing to turn that trauma into power, that hurt into service and you have a strong desire to serve others.

What’s even more powerful is that the trauma that you’ve been through has given you empathy and a certain understanding about what it feels like to go through what you went through.

This makes you especially qualified to serve others who have been through what you’ve been through.

Your experience, your strength, your resilience and your results are enough to help someone else right now.

Don’t wait. People are in pain. People need your help.

And it’s not always obvious.

Many times the people who are in the most pain suffer quietly and never share what’s going on on the inside.

Just this past week a colleague of mine took her life. It shook our community.

You never know what people are going through, even someone who you think has it all together.

Your desire to be a coach is rooted in the desire to serve others.

Follow that desire and keep your eyes peeled for who God sends you each day to serve.

When you focus on serving others, you will have more than enough confidence to help them.

And… keep your education going. Invest in yourself.

The best coaches have a coach. The best coaches have a mentor.

If you want to work with me as a business mentor, then apply to our Wealthy Healer retreat.

>Apply here.

If you have someone else in mind, that’s totally awesome, too.

Make sure to pick a mentor who you resonate with and who you feel connected to.

Keep sober. Keep doing the work. Keep serving others.

Education is important.

But you don’t need any more education to start making your difference right now.

So, start now. And keep growing.

The world needs you, Tonya.

I’m so proud of you.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

You are the Light of the world, are you willing to live

Today, I’m inviting you to read this message as a metaphor.

Read on and you’ll see what I mean.

The greatest gift you can give the people that you love, your friends, your family and the world is…

YOUR OWN HAPPINESS

It seems obvious, but it’s not.

Most of us are programmed to believe that the greatest gift we can give others is our suffering.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

This idea that somehow your suffering more proves your love for someone else is an old Anglo-Christian idea.

You see, Jesus Christ was not a martyr.

Even if you aren’t Christian, this is important for you.

Western Culture is highly influenced by Anglo-Christian thinking.

And, one of the predominate thoughts of Anglo-Christian thinking is that if I suffer (like Jesus), then I prove my love to you.

But, this idea is skewed.

Webster’s defines the word martyr as

A victim; especially: a great or constant sufferer.

But, you see, that is not what Jesus was.

And, your constant suffering does not prove your life.

The Anglo-Christian idea that suffering = Love is not an idea that Jesus believed in.

The idea that suffering = Love is an idea that institutions have propagated and promoted for centuries as a way to control the masses, not inspire them.

This idea affects you whether you are Christian or not, because you are influenced by the notion that suffering = Love – because of this a predominantly Western thought.

And this thought transcends religious or spiritual preferences and has become a cultural norm.

And it manifests in ideas like… I can’t be happy if people I love aren’t happy.

I can’t be at peace when there is so much suffering in the world.

I’m not allowed to feel joy when there is so much sorrow in the world.

These ideas are actually contrary to the teachings of Christ and all other religious and spiritual teachers.

Spiritual teachings exist to end suffering, not promote it.

Perhaps the greatest idea on what to do when you see suffering and sorrow in the world is to remember the words of the late and great Joseph Campbell, who said…

“Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.”

Making a choice to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world is literally being the Light.

It’s common to say something like this about the people that you love…

“I would die for them.”

My father used to say this about my mother as a way to profess his Love for her.

And, it’s a noble thing to say.

However… dying is easy.

You know what’s harder?

Living.

I asked him, “are you willing to live for her?”

That was the moment he decided to quit smoking, lose the weight and let go of the habits that were holding him back.

Quitting smoking and losing weight is waaaaay harder than staying the course.

So, if you are willing to “die” for someone… are you also willing to “live” for them?

Not just exist. Live.

Are you willing to face your fears, to become more, to grow, to admit when you’re wrong, to become more than your current circumstances?

You see, Jesus was not a victim.

Jesus decided to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.

When Jesus came upon sick people, He saw them as well. In the end, he was not a victim.

Jesus made a conscious choice in the Garden of Gethsemane to surrender His will to Divine will.

This is actually the opposite of being a victim.

Why?

Because when you are a victim, you are powerless over what happens to you.

Jesus could have decided to flee, but he didn’t.

He stayed.

And, he was crucified.

But, the crucifixion didn’t last long.

Life went on.

And, soon after He was born again.

Remember, I asked you to read this blog as a metaphor.

Here’s the correct cycle:

1. Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world (Be the Light).

2. Make a conscious choice to be “crucified” or to go through a tough experience.

3. Experience the “death” of your crucifixion.

4. Experience a re-birth and growth.

You see, most people don’t do this.

They do this:

1. Participate sorrowfully in the sorrows of the world.

2. Allow circumstances and other people to take away all power of choice and meaning. Feel victimized by the world.

3. Experience the “death” and dwell on it forever.

4. Never get to the re-birth because they are so focused on the crucifixion.

The life is Jesus is a metaphor for how we should live.

The reason His story resonates throughout the ages is because it represents the Universal Cycles we must all go through.

Our lives are a constant cycle of bring born, aging, dying and being re-born.

Instead of feeling victimized by this cycle, we can embrace it.

Don’t miss the message…

Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.

Be the Light of the world.

Know that your happiness is the greatest gift you can give others.

Know that the world is not made better by your needless suffering.

Know that when you are in darkness, the world has less light.

Know that you are allowed, right now, to be free, to be happy and to choose a life that lights you up.

Do not play small or needlessly suffer because you believe that your bigness, your Light will make others uncomfortable.

Instead, play big, shine your Light and make choices that lead to your happiness.

The main message of Christianity is not..

Suffer along with the rest of us.

The main message of Christianity is…

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Which means… you’ve got to Love yourself, first.

If you aren’t Loving yourself, you aren’t Loving your neighbor.

If you are suffering, then you aren’t Loving yourself or your neighbor.

As you start to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world, as you start to make Loving choices for yourself….

you will start to free others to make the same choice.

And that is how you become the Light of the world.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!