Question for you: what’s the most important part of any relationship?
It’s not about quality time, date nights, what you have in common or if you are both paleo.
There’s one part of any relationship (romantic or otherwise) that is the *key* to unlocking love, respect, feeling seen, feeling heard and getting your needs met.
What is it?
When Jenna and I lead our relationship retreats or seminars that teach on the topic of relationship, one of the reasons why we can save many relationships is because we understand that at the core of every relationship problem is one thing: communication.
We help people feel heard and seen by their partner and help their partner feel heard and seen as well.
It doesn’t matter if you are single, in a relationship or want to have a better relationship with any person in your life – you’ve got to master this one communication tool.
After working with thousands of people, we’ve been able to see certain patterns that create unnecessary anger and resentment, and we can take the leap today to help you avoid this pattern and create communication flow in all your relationships.
Here’s your plan for today:
1. Know that any relationship you’re in that is having issues is probably not from a lack of love, but rather a lack of communication.
2. Love yourself for knowing #1.
3. Watch my video
4. Leave a comment below this blog and let me know how you are going to implement what you’ve learned today and how this new “aha” will improve the quality of your relationship(s).
5. Pass this blog on to anyone you know who could use some help in this area of their life. You might just change their life.
Make it a great day and know that you can have love, empathy, connection and safety in your relationships. When you learn how to communicate – you set yourself to get your needs met and to also meet the needs of those whom you love the most.
All my love,
Hi and welcome to Claim Your Power TV with your host Mastin Kipp, where each week I guide you to live your purpose with passion! This week I’m going to share with you a communication tool that has saved countless relationships.
We get people coming to us for all kinds of issues and problems that they want us to solve. And one of them is relationship problems, relationship issues. They’re usually romatic, however, relationship issues can be relationships with bosses, partners, romantic partners, friends – it doesn’t really matter. But we’ve had people come to us who were on the brink of divorce and said, “This retreat or this seminar or this coaching program is our last ditch effort. If we can’t make it work here, we’re done. Our marriage therapist is telling us to get a divorce. Mastin and Jenna, can you help?”
I know that’s like a tall order. It’s like oh my gosh and feels like a lot of pressure, but what we’ve found is that primarily, especially in masculine/feminine relationships, male/female relationships – this is not just for heterosexual relationships, this is also for lesbian and gay relationships. There is a masculine and a feminine quality in ALL relationships. Those energies attract each other. But the communication tip is this:
Do you really understand what the other person is saying and what they mean by what they say?
You might think that men and women, masculine and feminine creatures, are speaking the same language – English, right? But they’re not. Masculine people can use the exact same words as feminine people and mean something completely different.
So here’s a really great example we use all the time with our clients. These two words: I’m fine. If you’re a feminine person and you say, “I’m fine,” what does that usually mean? Does it mean you’re fine? Nope! It means, “Hey you! Ask me more questions. I had a bad day,” or something like that. That’s the deeper meaning. However, if you ask a masculine person, “How are you doing?” and he says, “I’m fine,” what does he mean? He literally means I’m fine. There’s no deeper meaning, there’s no need to psychoanalyze; he’s fine.
But here’s what’s interesting. It’s the same words, isn’t it? I’m fine. However, completely different meaning because masculine/feminine communication has two different modalities of working. The feminine communication is about connection, about curiosity, and not about solving problems. All the feminine wants is to be asked questions, to go deeper, to really connect with and mirror her. So what happens is you have a feminine person who is going so deep in connection and the masculine person tries to interrupt with trying to solve a problem, but that’s not what the feminine person wants. The feminine person wants you to go, “Tell me more. What do you mean by that? Go deeper, go deeper, go deeper. Tell me more, tell more more, tell me more.” And then to mirror back what she’s saying, “So what I’m hearing you say is this, this and this.” And then to identify with it and to say something like, “You know what? That must be really frustrating. That must be really difficult. What can I do to help?”
If you can understand the meaning of feminine communication is connection, to not interrupt her communication until she asks you about you and turns it back over, reflect back what you’re hearing her say and then empathize with her and say, “That must be frustrating. That must be hard. What can I do to help?” it’s going to dramatically change your relationship.
And the same thing is true for the masculine communication. When you ask a masculine person questions, they give literal responses. And so it’s really important for you when the masculine person says something after you ask a question, what you say is, “So what do you think about this?” and he says, “I think x, y and z.” And then your response will be, “So what I heard you say was…” and repeat back what you heard them say and go, “Is that true?” to clarify because our brains, the masculine/feminine, male/female brains are wired differently. There is different meaning with different brains even though they use the same words.
So it could go something like this: The feminine person says, “Hey, where would you like to go for dinner?” and the masculine person says, “Hey, can we talk about this later? I’m busy right now.” And the feminine person might get all defensive and say, “Well why can’t we talk about it now?” and then there’s a fight. Versus, “Hey honey, when you said, ‘Can we talk about it later?’ what I heard you say is I’m not important. Is that true?” And of course the answer is no, but it helps you out your feelings.
So if we can start to understand the communication differences between the masculine and the feminine and that the masculine communication is logical and literal and the feminine communication is illogical and communication-based, GAME CHANGER!
And if you can mirror back what you’re hearing them say with empathy versus trying to inject with a fight, it is a game changer for your relationship. This advice has SAVED marriages! I am not exaggerating. This advice has saved marriages, it’s saved relationships, and it will bring you tremendous joy and prevent massive amounts of pain if you can learn to practice this advice.
So you might be watching this video over on YouTube or over on Facebook. I invite you to come on over to TheDailyLove.com and below this video leave a comment. How are you going to communicate moving forward with your masculine/feminine partners? Who can you share this information with? Sometimes your partner doesn’t want to hear it from you. Send them this video. I will tell them for you, okay? Share this video. But let me know how you’re going to communicate differently. If you’re the masculine partner, how are you going to say ‘tell me more’ and empathize? And if you’re the feminine partner, how can you really honor what they think and reflect back, “Hey, what I heard you say was this. Is it true?” without taking it personally because he thinks in a very logical way. This communication style works for heterosexuals, transgenders, gays, lesbians – it doesn’t matter. There is no segregation here. It’s the way in which communication works.
Also, please feel free to subscribe to us on YouTube so that you can get immediate updates as soon as I upload a video. Please head on over to TheDailyLove.com and enter your name and email address so that I can give you email updates that I only send through email. And most importantly, and as always here at Claim Your Power TV, my deep wish is for you to get out there, take action and make it real. I’ll see you next week!