Many times we wish and wish for the right romantic partner come into our lives.
We don’t seem to understand why it’s not working out with others. We end up in toxic, unloving relationships, and deep down know something better is out there.
The challenge is, when something better does come along, not to run away. After years of disappointment, heartbreak and unhappy endings, it can be very easy to close down on real love.
No matter what, don’t’ let that happen!
Remember, strength in the muscles of your body is created by your muscles being ripped apart, and then rebuilt. Your heart and your emotional intelligence and fitness operate the same way.
It is easy to close down after you’ve been hurt. It’s easy to throw a wrench into real love when it comes. I understand it’s scary, but WHO CARES!
Move forward in spite of your fear.
Move forward INTO the scariness of it all. Be courageous. Don’t let fear win.
OPEN UP anyway. The risk of not opening, in the end, is far worse than the risk of opening. Don’t let love pass you by. Don’t let fear win.
NO! Instead, let love win.
Open up, even when, you are afraid. Open up, even when you are scared of getting hurt. Open up, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen.
Listen to me: LOVE WILL PASS YOU BY if you always choose the safe path.
I am not suggesting that you open up to the first person who comes along.
No.
I am not suggesting that at all. I am suggesting that when you have a connection with someone, when you feel it, when you are so scared of how much you feel it, go in the opposite direction of your fear. Do not be afraid of the love you feel.
KNOW THIS: The right person will meet you. The right person will show up. But they can’t if you don’t open up.
Learn to value openness. Open your heart. Don’t “plat it safe”.
Don’t let the wounds of the past create a wounded future. No.
It can be different. Love can be yours. But first, you must be open to it.
Learn how to be more loving from your past pain, not how to be more closed. Don’t give up on love, no, give IN TO love!
Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!
LOVE… it’s one of those topics that has all kinds of excitement, desire, pain, hurt, confusion and mystery surrounding it.
And let me be clear because LOVE has so many meanings…
I’m talking about romantic love.
How do you get it? How do you keep it? How do you make it last?
For context… let me be clear… Jerry McGuire got it wrong… those three words he uttered ruined an entire generation of romantic expectations.
“You complete me.”
The only “thing” that completes you is your Creator. And… not even that is 100% true… what truly completes you is discovering your purpose and then living it each day.
First, you must know that you are a whole, complete and perfectly made being who does not need another person to complete you.
You are whole as you are.
Also know that the purpose of your life is not to be in a relationship, in fact… it’s the other way around.
When you find your purpose… love will find you.
You see – if you are looking for someone out there to complete you… if you think that someone else if your purpose… then you are setting yourself up for a rollercoaster of emotion and a lot of pain.
Why?
Because no person can perfectly love you.
We all have flaws… we all have unresolved hurt and trauma from the past… we all get scared… we all mess up.
And, if the other person is on the hook for your happiness…well that is the fastest way to kill romance.
Many times, people stop doing the very thing that made them attractive in the first place.
They give up a passion, or a goal/career and settle into the relationship.
It’s vital to understand that NO ONE can “make” you happy… except, of course… you.
So… questions for you:
1. Who, outside of yourself, have you assigned the power to make you happy?
2. How are they falling short in making you happy?
3. How can you start to take responsibility for making yourself happy, instead?
4. How can you let them off the hook for your happiness and instead thank them for all the good they do bring to your life?
5. What passions/gifts/goals did you give up that you were pursuing before?
6. What is one step you could take today to pick up your passion and get back to what makes you happy?
These questions are great if you are in a romantic relationship or not.
Remember… the purpose of your life is not a relationship… but a great relationship is an extension of your purpose.
Nothing is more attractive than someone who is doing what they love and is living their purpose.
Today, focus back on your purpose and do what makes you come alive….
…romance will follow.
Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!
In a recent PEW Study, “A record 40% of all households with children under the age of 18 include mothers who are either the sole or primary source of income for the family, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of data from the U.S. Census Bureau. The share was just 11% in 1960.”
This is BIG news for women. Our community is 93% women, so this is GREAT news for all of us today. This is something to celebrate.
It’s amazing that just over 50 years ago, only 11% of household earners were women. Now it’s quadrupled to 40%! It’s no surprise to you or me that the women of today are more empowered, kicking butt financially and also really starting to show us men how to do things.
If you’ve been paying attention at all to what’s happening today, the dawn of women’s empowerment is here and here to stay.
But, what’s fascinating is the second stat that the PEW Study found out: “These ‘breadwinner moms’ are made up of two very different groups: 5.1 million (37%) are married mothers who have a higher income than their husbands, and 8.6 million (63%) are single mothers.”
Hold up. 63% of these amazing women are single.
So. Not only are women kicking butt today, they are doing it without a man.
This is a new world that we live in. There are many benefits to this new world. I believe that the feminine has been so suppressed for so long, that the rise of the power woman in today’s world is a necessary part of mankind’s evolution to a more evolved and loving world.
The masculine running wild is not a good thing, and for far too long over the course of human history, the beauty, power and flow of the feminine has been kept down.
There’s just ONE thing that I want to point out.
As awesome as it is that women are kicking butt, and as much as you and I both know that by these stats they certainly don’t need any help from a man – I’m curious, how many of these women are truly fulfilled?
Many women from our generation were raised to believe that they don’t need a man. And by these recent stats, it seems that this belief is correct.
Or is it?
One of the things that’s happened as a result of the newly empowered woman, is that many, many, many women I know and have come into contact with have started to believe that being powerful means just being masculine and suppressing their feminine side.
Now, we all have masculine and feminine energy. And of course women can rock it at work and earn. This is now the new norm.
But, when it comes to ultimate fulfillment at home and in matters of the heart, there is massive gender confusion.
What is rewarded in the modern day women at work – that masculine powerful energy – which allows her to have financial power and freedom, will not work in a relationship with a masculine man.
This problem is pervasive. Women who crave a masculine partner are being rewarded for masculine behaviour in the workplace nad punished for it in their relationships.
I see it every day. POWERFUL and I mean POWERFUL women that inspire the heck out of me, but are so POWERFULLY MASCULINE that they are single and can’t figure out why. The masculine mask keeps them from getting their feminine needs met.
Just because being masculine at work rewards you with financial power does not mean that this same energy will reward you with Love in a relationship with a masculine partner.
For the women’s empowerment movement to come to fruition, there is a slight adjustment that has to occur.
Women must remember that being feminine and free is not weak. Vulnerability and intuition is not weak. And even though they don’t “need” a man, wow – wouldn’t it be great to have one anyway?
We are built for relationship. Connection. Partnership. Not because the other person “completes us” but because we all yearn to share this life with a person, we love and who love us.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the single, empowered female. I am the first one to be cheering them on from here. And I also know that we are creatures built for relationship and no amount of power or money can replace or fulfill the heart.
The power of feminine energy far surpasses the power of the masculine. The flow, the intuition, the beauty are necessary parts of life.
My great hope is that as the women of today become more and more empowered, and continue to outearn and outperform many of the men of our time, that they remember that they can be the warrior at work, but if they truly want their king – they must transform into their feminine essence at home.
This is the new challenge of the modern day woman. And I am here FULLY to support this cause.
To all the powerful ladies out there, stay powerful, stay amazing and stay vulnerable – trust me, it looks GREAT on you!
To your empowered Self both masculine and feminine!
A client asked me recently to write about cheating in romantic relationships.
This is a touchy subject because it stings so much. I’ve experienced the pain of cheating first hand, and I can tell you I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
All a relationship is, after all, is two people learning how to trust one another. Trust is the foundation of everything else. Without trust, there isn’t a relationship.
When cheating happens, that trust is shattered. And it’s very hard to get it back (not impossible).
There are different perspectives on cheating. For me, it’s a deal breaker. For my therapist, she has seen many a couple work through it and come back even stronger.
There’s no right or wrong way to look at it, but there is a deeper lesson inside the painful act of cheating that I’d like to speak to.
I’ve worked with many clients who have been cheated on in different ways: sexually and emotionally.
Sexual cheating is when you have sex outside the relationship. It’s the physical act of cheating.
Emotional cheating seems innocent, but in many times, it’s worse. It seems innocent because there is no physical, sexual act. It’s all in your head.
But we humans are energy beings and can feel when things are off. When you are emotionally in love with someone else, or just flirting with them in a major way, this can be more devastating than the physical act many times.
Because intimacy is not meant for someone other than your partner, and this can be a real blow.
After working with so many people who have experienced cheating, there’s a common trend that I’ve noticed.
One question I asked them all is “How long before the cheating started did you feel unsafe in your relationship?”
The answer is always, “a long time” and for many the answer was “I never felt safe in our relationship”.
I believe that our body and intuition can feel a person’s true intentions on this matter long before the physical act happens.
Almost every time, when I asked my clients, “What would have done if feeling safe in your relationship was a priority” – most of the time they tell me that they wouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place, or they would be setting the bar higher.
So, I’m going to say something that might seem a little crazy and perhaps controversial – but bear with me for a moment. Keep an open mind.
What if being cheated on is a wake-up call to trust and value yourself? What if the physical act of being cheated on is an external reflection of how you’ve cheated on yourself.
That is to say, you knew something was off, you didn’t feel safe, you knew you deserved better: but you did nothing.
What if ultimately the spiritual lesson of cheating is this: trust thyself.
What if you made feeling safe more important than anything else?
Many people who I work with admit that in a relationship where’s there’s cheating, safety is not a common experience. It doesn’t have to be some huge overt level of feeling unsafe; it could be subtle.
But, there’s always a disturbance in the force. And it is we who need to get smart and trust that.
I’m hoping that you aren’t reading this blog right now and thinking, “Great, so I’m to blame for them cheating?”
That’s not the takeaway. Human beings are responsible for their actions. This blog does not justify or make right what happened, but it can help you learn the lesson.
Trusting yourself, being firm with what you need in a relationship and what you deserve, these are all very valuable lessons. And the sting of cheating comes bearing the gift of this lesson if we can learn it.
