Tag Archives: survival patterns

The cure for procrastination and fear…

“I suffer from Procrastination and fear.”

That’s what Jennifer shared with me.

When I first read this….

I thought to myself… whenever I hear words like “I suffer from…” typically words that follow are words like:

– A heart condition

– Cancer

– Diabetes

– High-tone deafness

And YourDictionary.com uses the words “suffer from” in the following sentence:

“The illness your father suffers from is the same I suffer from.”

I was a little surprised (which rarely happens, because I’ve seen a lot of feedback and coached thousands of people)…

And I couldn’t believe Jennifer used the words “suffer from” to describe procrastination and fear?

Why?

First – let me say here… because this is the written word after all… there is no judgment of Jennifer.

Girl – I feel you.

The reason I was so surprised is because I’ve never seen (in over 10 years of doing this) someone describe procrastination or fear that way.

And, I really get you Jennifer… I get how it can feel to be stuck in procrastination and also in fear.

But, I have great news for you.

Procrastination and fear are not terminal illnesses that you have to suffer from anymore.

Do you know what they really are?

They are just patterns. That’s it. Nothing more.

And they are a specific kind of pattern that I happen to be an expert in.

Those patterns are called Survival Patterns and they exist for a good purpose.

And Survival Patterns can be changed.

You see, your whole body is designed to keep you safe and alive.

Your nervous systems thinks that if you stay in fear… you’ll be safe.

Your nervous system also procrastinates because if you keep procrastinating… you’ll be “safe”.

But… I know you want more out of life than to just be safe.

You want to thrive… to life life to the full.

You wrote to me Jennifer that your financial situation “sucks”.

I want you to consider something you may not have considered before – and see this as a second opinion.

Perhaps the reason why you don’t have as much money as you want is because you do not believe you are worthy of allowing money to support you.

And, perhaps you believe that you aren’t enough to be seen for what you really want to do in your vocation and career.

Perhaps you bought into the lie that you are not worthy… and do not deserve support… and that as you start to take action in the direction of courage to do what you love, to add value to others and help solve problems… to open up and be seen… that you will find that you will be more than financially provided for.

True abundance is falling in love with problems to solve in the world… opening up and allowing yourself to be seen in the processs and then allowing yourself to also receive back all that is good for your great deeds.

So, here’s the deal: you have to ask yourself if you are willing to allow yourself to receive support… and help.

And… are you willing to receive back all that is good, in the form of money, love, connection and praise?

Your hurt and your trauma that you believe is the cause of your financial situation is also a prerequisite for your Purpose.

Your job is to heal your pause hurt and then get busy serving others to do the same.

Jennifer, in the feedback form I asked “What’s one thing I could do to improve your life in the next 30 days” and you wrote…

” Reach out to be about my worries.”

Your wish is my command Jennifer.

I’m so proud of you. And so grateful for you.

And so excited for what’s next for you.

Poverty is not about how much money you have, poverty is a mindset and a belief set.

Seek out people around you who are doing well. Hang with them.

Focus on serving others. Read inspirational material. And most importantly do one thing you are afraid of each day.

Jennifer, you are seen… you are heard and girl… you are loved.

I’m so proud of you and thank you for writing in.

Because the true key to abundance is to discover your Purpose and then bring it to life.

You don’t suffer from procrastination and fear… they are just Survival Patterns that are keeping you safe.

But ships aren’t built for safety dear one, they are built to brave the storm.

You got this, Jennifer. Do it now. Do it messy. Do it afraid.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!

Four Steps To break free from patterns that hold you back

Do you have some habit, pattern or behavior that you do over and over again, and no matter what… it seems like it’s almost impossible to break?

Maybe it’s stuffing your face with ice cream (gluten free, of course).

Maybe it’s another failed romantic relationship attempt.

Maybe it’s an addiction.

Maybe you keep giving your power away.

Maybe you’ve had the same fight over and over again and want to stop.

Whatever it is… most of us have at least one, if not more, old patterns in our life that don’t do us any good.

So, how do we break ’em? It can feel impossible, but let me assure you, it’s not.

You can break free from the patterns that hold you back.

And when you do, you step into a whole new kind of world.

A world of greater learning, greater abundance, greater Love, joy and yes, greater purpose.

Over the past few weeks I’ve received many replies from the community that is asking the same question:

How Do I Break Old Survival Patterns™ (SP’s) that hold me back?

If you’ve been wondering this, today, I’m going to give you the map.

The short answer is this:

To break any old SP, you need a pattern interrupt.

And if you aren’t sure what an SP is – let me define it for you:

A Survival Pattern™ is an unconscious (fancy word for hidden, like you, don’t know you have it) and irrational (meaning, it makes no logical sense) fear that is based on past trauma that prevents you from moving forward.

SP’s can be felt in the body. SP’s are an automatic response to any uncertainty or stress.

We’ve all experienced trauma in our lives, which, essentially is a wound created by emotional isolation and being physical, emotionally or mentally unsafe.

The stereotypical thinking about trauma is that it’s only trauma if it’s extreme – like physical abuse, for example.

However, trauma is not just for those extreme examples.

We all experience trauma on different scales.

And to the brain, trauma is trauma.

So, it’s a common mistake to think that other people’s “trauma” is more significant or valid than yours.

Don’t go there. The way you feel is valid.

So, how do we break a traumatic SP that is almost an automatic and unconscious response in our brain and body?

Pro tip: It’s vital to move through these steps quickly. Otherwise you run the risk of your SP’s running you. The goal is not to indulge your SP, but rather break it… So, make it your intention to keep moving through the steps.

Step 1 – Identify The Pattern

The first step is admitting you have an SP.

Late night binge eating. Overspending. Toxic relationship. Whatever it is, the first thing you must do is say:

THIS PATTERN EXISTS

It can feel scary to do this because we have been falsely trained to believe that if we admit to our SP’s – then that will make things worse.

Not acknowledging your SP is like putting duct tape over your fuel gauge in your car and pretending you won’t run out of fuel if you don’t see the light. So, admit you have it.

Where is it? What does it feel like in your body? How familiar is this feeling? And then move on to Step 2.

Step 2 – Acknowledge The Pattern.

Pattern’s start to die when they are acknowledged. When you say… “AHA – there you are!” SP’s be like… “Who, me?” And, they tend to lessen.

The difference between acknowledging and identifying is that identification is about becoming aware that you even have an SP…

Acknowledgment is giving it your attention and saying hello.

Give your SP a name, other than your own.

For me, I call one of my SP’s “Rod The Fraud” – when I feel like I’m a fraud and not enough. (Yup, that still happens.)

And, you don’t want to stay in the SP too long, though.

If you find yourself mostly talking about the SP, and seeking out other people to validate it, then you are keeping yourself stuck.

Acknowledgment is essential, but we must also keep moving to the next step to break the pattern.

Remember, SP’s hold you back.

Don’t put them in the driver’s seat, just let them know you see them and love them.

Step 3 – Neutralize The Pattern

Next up, now that we know that you do in fact have an SP and you’ve named it.

Now, it’s time to neutralize it. It’s easy to want to forget this step and just keep going.

The neutralization of the SP means you have to grow.

And, it means you get to “kill” your SP. And your SP will resist this.

This is where the phrase “Old Patterns Die Hard” come from… Or… “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

Patterns can be strong. And there is only way to neutralize them.

You must override the pattern with an equal or greater emotional experience.

You cannot do this on the level of thinking.

Repeat, you cannot THINK your way out of an SP.

You must feel your way out of it.

There are all kinds of ways to do this.

For me, the SP of wanting to stuff my face with caramel popcorn or cinnamon rolls starts to surface around 7/8pm and lasts til about 9:30 pm.

So, instead of just white knuckling it, I ask my SP… like literally… “What do you need right now?”

Typically, the answer is something like, “To feel safe.”

I know I have a “witching hour” in the evening.

So, I design my day to interrupt that SP with a more powerful positive emotional experience.

It could be a massage, a Kundalini Yoga class, meditation…

Recently I’ve discovered the awesome experience of “Escape Rooms” (OMG!) and have gone during the witching hour.

It is a pattern interrupt on an emotional level, designed at the time of day that the SP tends to rear it’s head.

Also, I have an old SP that thinks that on the weekends I “deserve” to go to town on “treat meal.”

Especially on Friday and Saturday nights.

So, I am mindful of how I spend those nights.

In fact, a big measure of how healthy I am is based on the quality of my Friday and Saturday nights.

So, I put a BIG focus on those evenings of the week and making sure I design emotional pattern interrupts into my routine.

Other ways to break the pattern on an emotional level are:

Kundalini Yoga, EMDR, Escape Rooms, Massage, Meditation, going to a 12-Step Meeting, being in nature, getting a life coach, a therapist, going on a retreat or attending a seminar.

You want to neutralize the SP on the emotional level. That’s how you override it.

Then, move on to Step 4.

Step 4 – Turn the SP into an act of Love and Purposeful Work

SP’s in the body are basically parts of ourselves that hold trauma and are underdeveloped. It’s as if are bodies are screaming for attention and healing.

One of the best ways to heal your SP’s long term is to serve others.

I started by first blog, The Daily Love, with a ton of anger energy.

I was mad at a former business partner for what I thought and believed at the time was a Soul level betrayal.

Instead of channeling my energy into taking him down or focusing on how “screwed over” I felt… I decided to serve others.

I channeled my anger into purposeful works of Love.

Use the energy of your SP’s and direct it to help others.

Donate your time. Write a blog. Call a friend in need. Forgive your family. Find someone to help.

The old saying goes, “If you’re feeling helpless, help someone.”

Nothing is quite as healing as helping to alleviate the suffering of others.

This is the power of 12-Steps, group coaching courses like Claim Your Power and other community driven programs.

And, you don’t need to wait to have a million followers to help someone.

Literally, help the next person you see.

Offer to buy their groceries, or give them a smile or compliment.

There is no shortage of the need for kindness and being of service today.

And, be unconditionally kind.

Not just to people like you. Be kind to those you would normally judge (yes, I know you judge other people, still… that’s okay… break the pattern).

If you open your eyes, you will see at least ten opportunities right in front of you.

OK – so….

Those are the Four Steps to breaking a Survival Pattern™ – those pesky patterns that hold you back.

Now it’s over to you…

 

Breaking an SP is a process. So, be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself and strive to make small baby steps each day.

Your mantra today is…. one step at a time.

Baby steps.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!